Villagers lose legal-battle over tree with penis-shaped branch

February 18th, 2009 Last updated 19:24

Villagers lose legal-battle over tree with penis-shaped branch

Villagers in Ecton, Northamptonshire, today lost their battle to have an offending tree branch removed. The decision to leave the eye-height branch untouched, which had been the subject of debate and controversy for some time, was made after Northampton Crown and County Court cited the case as “a dubious waste of Northampton’s legal resources.” The case, led by a committee who don’t wish to be named, is said to have cost in excess of £55,000 so far.

Northamptonshire County Council were first made aware of the so-called “perverted tree” in 2001 when a petition by villagers surfaced with over 1500 signatures.

The spokesowoman for the group said: “we won’t be satisfied until the offending branch has been removed and destroyed. We intend to pursue this case for as long as it takes and an appeal has already been made.” Northamptonshire County Council declined to comment.

You can always trust the BBC News to come up with compelling headlines, can’t you?

Now here’s a test: which of these headlines from past and present do you think genuinely come from the BBC?

Can Donkeys breakdance?

Wiltshire cash machine attacked by woman wielding shoe

Meet the man who eats broken glass with his cereal

New research on whales may hold clue to erectile dysfunction

Could being mugged actually be good for you?

If you’re screaming But Donkeys can breakdance! I saw one once on Blackppol beach! then what can I say? I’m jealous! Note: seriously, Donkeys cannot breakdance. Unless there is some bizarre urban-inspired mating ritual which I am unaware of, which is quite possible (but probably not in Blackpool, to be honest) — I’ve never been anywhere near mating Donkeys and I hope that never changes…

If you said Wiltshire cash machine attacked by woman wielding shoe, you would be 100%  right – and I think you’ll agree that you have to admire the dedication of any villain capable of such a thing. And no, you definitely shouldn’t eat broken glass in the morning. Also, if you see a beached whale, it’s probably pretty pissed off and embarrassed; please leave it alone or you may end up as the one with erectile dysfunction.

And if you were wondering if being mugged is good for you, I can tell you for a fact it isn’t! (Unless your name is Bernie Ecclestone. In which case it might shut your money-grabbing mouth up for five minutes — maybe — and wake you up to the genuine problems encountered by real human-beings every single day.)

To see a story very similar to the one described above, click here.