I’m shattered as I write this, but the good kind of shattered where there’s still a lot fighting to get out, and it’d be cruel to keep it in. The following post is some kind of existential debate with myself about one of the most elusive questions we all face. I’ll probably read this tomorrow and find typos and things I want to fix, but at the same time I want to put it out now and keep that raw quality:
Who knows why thoughts occur to us one day instead of the next, or why at one moment things seem profoundly clear when just seconds before they were a weave of complexities, answers nowhere in sight. I certainly don’t, although I think I’m glad it is like this. To me, it seems like these are the things which keep you alive and looking for better understanding. Enlightenment may not stay with you for very long sometimes, but while it’s there you’re changed. Evolved, even. Every day you go to sleep as one version of yourself, and every morning you awaken as the product of every mistake and experience you have ever made or encountered.