Die 3D, Die

Now, forgive me for sounding like a grumpy old man, or don’t forgive me, it’s your choice, but I’ve always hated 3D anything. The world is already in really good 3D — the best, you might say — so why do we need 3D anything else? I wouldn’t mind if 3D was genuinely really good, and a great thing that enhanced film making, but generally speaking I don’t think it does. To me, 3D is like a massive flashy pop-up book. Flat images coming out of the screen right in my face. Woo. So someone tell me: what’s so good about that?

Told you I was grumpy today…

But to get back to the point: obviously there must be something good about that, because everyone seems to love 3D right now, and, with higher ticket prices bringing in even more revenue, it doesn’t look like 3D is disappearing any time soon.

I can only hope it does, otherwise my grumpometer may just go through the roof.

And lastly, if you can hack it:

My other problem with 3D is its pure unadulterated laziness. By using the wonders of 3D, you can make just about anything look a little bit better. With 3Ds help, a paper-bag can act as well as Russell Crowe. Wait a minute, a paper-bag can do that without the help of 3D, let’s be honest. The only thing it can’t do is an authentic accent like he did in the recent remake of Robin Hood.

Wait a minute…


If I were you, next time you start thinking about wasting money on 3D films or some of those stupid daft glasses, just go and invest it in some chocolate, or buy your partner a small gift – or a succession of gifts from the pound shop. That’s a much better use of the money, don’t you think? (And you can get some really decent things in pound shops, you know. I’m not even joking!)


Chris, obviously.


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