Jamie Oliver: Man On A Mission

Jamie back when Oliver Twist was more famous than him. Is it legal to get this excited about a fish? Unlikely.

At 10:22pm last night – May 31^st, 2011 – Jamie Oliver broke down on national TV and finally admitted he was part man, part vegetable, sent from the planet FOODALICIOUS to take over planet Earth and convert everyone on it into good-food-loving maniacs physically incapable of cooking any meal in longer than thirty minutes. I know, it was a bomb-shell for me to! But calm down, that wasn’t actually what happened; that was just what I thought he was going to say. In fact, he didn’t – it was worse. He didn’t say anything much. For a change, and not in a nice way – and probably for the first time since being born into the world – Jamie Oliver was completely and utterly speechless.

Yes, you may wish to read that last sentence again. Then you may wish to double check you haven’t altered another reality and come back and read this (for what it’s worth I can assure you you haven’t entered another reality, but can you trust me? For all I know I may have entered another one before I wrote this!).

Jamie probably thinking "being more famous than Oliver Twist is amazing, I won't deny it!" And no, if you were wondering, he was sent from the future and does not age.

Back to Jamie and his rage and upset-ness.

Let me tell you, I felt his rage. Jamie, you see, had just been shut down again on his quest to bring better food to the school-children of LA. And when Is say again, I actually mean again-again-again-again. I’d be the first to admit that I didn’t used to be the greatest Jamie Oliver fan, but all that’s been changing recently. After seeing how much passion and dedication Jamie has put into this latest series – not to mention the numerous obstacles he’s encountered while trying to do something essentially simple: give American school children proper good food – my mind is made up. Absolutely. Jamie is a good man and we should be proud of what he’s doing.

Tense spider-versus-man encounter!

There was no caption for this photo I found on Google images, but if I were to write it it would probably say something like “shocked woman who has just seen a spider and, on closer inspection, noticed it had a siezeable penis too.” A confusing situation indeed. I have literally no idea if spiders have penises or not, and unless you are freakish in the mind I suggest you do not ponder it!

The title says it all. TAKE ME TO THE NEW SHORT STORYPLEASE MR PINK!

Evolution of a book cover

Book covers are mysterious things. Like magazine covers and bill-board posters, they’re not strictly art or advertising. Instead, they have a much more difficult job than any of the former. 1) they have to be bold enough that they draw you in, but without that throw-away quality that some glossy magazines have. 2) they have to project an image, but it has to say much more than just “buy me”, and that message has to convey the essence of the book. 3) they have to do all of the above, but without alienating any particular social or minority group.

Oh, and they have to be different and original too, let’s not forget that.

So you could say that designing one is a challenge. For anyone, even those who do so for a living…

SHOW ME THE REST, PLEASE

Good people

Just a quick thanks to both The Come Up and BMX Union — they both put the Chad D interview up on their sites, which was cool of them. Hit the links and see what they’re all about!

Meet Professor Bill McScrewballs

This short story concerns a very passionate inventor on a quest to make his greatest invention a household name.

Only for Bill McScrewballs, things are never quite as easy as they first seem…

I WANT TO SEE INSIDE THE MIND OF PROFESSOR BILL MCSCREWBALLS, TAKE ME THERE NOW!

New page up: BMX Is Not Shit!

One of my favourite BMX pics, taken from inside the house, looking out at the crazy little skatepark in my garden

Seeing as there’s been a fair bit of interest in the Chad Degroot article, I thought it might be a good time to post a couple of chapters from my BMX novel up. Who knows, it might bring back some good memories for people who have been riding a while.

This was the very first real novel I ever wrote. It came as close as you can get to being published, but in the end was rejected by the publisher on the grounds that there “isn’t enough people in the world who would find a BMX novel interesting”. I still disagree wholeheartedly with that statement. I suppose it didn’t help that at the time — and this is still the case, I think — there were only a handful of BMX books out there. That and the fact that the book came in at a whopping 634 pages…looking back I can see why they thought it was a risk!

I wrote this book with the intention of apealling to both BM X riders and those who have never read / seen anything about it, so don’t be put off if you know nothing about BMX — it’s about growing up as much as anything.

READ THE FIRST 2 CHAPTERS HERE

Thoughts on: The Ruins, by Scott Smith

The Ruins is a (horror novel) I’ve read a few times, and one that I also tend to pick up every so often to read and examine the dialogue. It is, if you ask me, a great read. To read my review / article on how the dialogue in this novel can help you with your own writing, CLICK HERE.

Chad Degroot talks getting stuff done

THE DEDICATION INTERVIEW

Chad Degroot talks getting stuff done…

NOTE: The following intro might make it sound like this is only interesting if you have some connection with BMX, but I can assure you that’s not the case. Everyone can learn something by reading this, so be sure to check it out:

The name “Chad Degroot” may not be one which you’re familiar with, but in BMX circles it’s a name that’s been synonymous with progression and determination to get cool things done for over twenty years. Known by many as one of the most unique technical BMX riders around (as well as one of the most versatile), Chad doesn’t – and never has – limited himself to just progressing on a BMX bike. And although Chad might cringe at what I’m about to say next, it’s the truth, ask anyone: without him and the tight group he rode with during the 1990s — when BMX went through probably its biggest technical-tricks revolution — BMX would never have evolved to become what it is today. Back then, I was just starting out myself, and Chad’s flatland skills alone blew my mind. After that he went on to ride ramps as well as anyone, and use his numerous tech-skills to full advantage on street, ramps and in even more videos…

THIS SOUNDS AWESOME, TAKE ME TO THE INTERVIEW!

Adventures of a horny ghost! Part 2

A juvenile monkey, moments after waking up from a terrifying encounter with a (potentially) horny ghost!

Continued from before…not to insult your intelligence, dear reader, but I wouldn’t want someone to start here and miss out on Part 1.

Okay, now I feel quite anxious. And used, don’t forget used…

Today, for the second day running, I awoke to find myself on the alien side of the bed. Tucked in neatly, in the same way as I was in Adventures of a horny ghost..

I REALLY NEED A WEE BUT IT CAN WAIT, TAKE ME TO PART 2!

25 things that WILL get you to the end of a first draft

1. Stop looking at what you’ve written: what you have written won’t be good enough. Accept it and move on.

2. Make notes as you go. Don’t say to yourself: “I’ll remember that, I don’t need to make a note.” EVERYONE needs to make a note. It is these crucial pieces of information – information that may only exist for a short time, while you’re in this head-space – that will form the basis of your second draft.

3. Don’t stop writing at the end of a chapter. It’s a bad idea. Do stop writing mid-way through a chapter, even if you’re burning to continue. The next morning you’ll breeze it.

4. Chocolate.

5. — 25. CLICK HERE